Journal Entry #1
I'm still brimming with pride in myself for making my website, it's something I haven't felt this strongly in a long time.
I have really negative self esteem and low motivation so even though I have a lot of things I want to do I usually give up halfway through or before I've even started if I don't feel like I have the skill for it, or I'm not progressing quickly enough. I've told my therapist that I essentially have no real goals because I'm not motivated and I'm not good at anything.
But like....I did something! I set a goal! I learned a skill and even though sometimes I felt really frustrated and discouraged I kept at it! I did something by hand, typed it all out, no copying and pasting from other people's code, and I LIKED how it turned out. And sure it helped my motivation a lot that it was something I actually wanted to do, but I mean still, I want to write and I didn't get very far with that, so like, YEAH, this is big for me!
I don't get a lot of big wins so even though I know it's very amateur level website I can't help but feel so happy that I even did something like this on my first try. Which I mean, that might say that if I hadn't liked how it looked I might have given up, but I do, and I didn't, so it all worked out!
Now I don't know if this means I'll be doing more web development, and pursuing a career in it honestly does not sound super fun, plus I am incredibly reluctant to go anywhere near JavaScript, but who knows? Maybe this is the first step to me making a game or something now that I've dipped my toes into coding.
Augh, even as I'm writing this I can already feel my brain resisting the feelings of pride and accomplishment, telling me that this was something super easy anyone could do, and coding a game or anything more complicated than HTML and CSS would be way harder and not worth trying.
So maybe I'm not on the way to bigger things but whatever I'll still let myself be proud right now!!!